Wife's Job at the Perpetual Alps Factory - Believer Magazine

Wife’s Job at the Perpetual Alps Factory

by Sandra Simonds
Illustration by Noah van Sciver

Wife’s Job at the Perpetual Alps Factory

Sandra Simonds
14 Snaps

I work in the BLACK HOLE wing outside Bern (on a machine
that looks like a spinning jenny) placing umlauts over

the ‘a’s in war to turn them to ‘were’which is why we who war
translate German into we were. I’m all for planetary annihilation,

all for pulling the big red umlaut-lever
down to make the final BLACK HOLE. Don’t like your house?

Don’t like your face transplant, calf implants, husband, dog?
Well, compress the extravagance of your visionary despair

into a facet of being more humorous: Imagine two
standard poodles walking down Obergoldback Straße in baby blue

sweaters with hanging pompoms, hand knit by their grandmother.
Don’t like your shabby address? Here I am ready, set to solve

your shanty town problem so far from these Swiss bank accounts,
so far from the safe where my boss keeps The Potato Eaters

and her frozen eggs. All she has to do is whisper
sarcophagus and then our life saga will zilch the iceberg, will smell

of negative sage, will be neither freeze nor thaw, mummy
nor scarab pendant. Minus frenzy. Plus zoo. Minus Sinai wandering.

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